My earliest memories are of visiting my great-grandmother in a trailer park mobile home. I remember the experience in an almost surreal montage of images. Almost as if I was watching a movie on T.V. Except the angles of the camera seemed to come as if I was detached from the whole scene. Really I felt like I was floating above the room watching a baby get passed around.
It was one of the strangest moments of my life because when I related this story to my mother she was shocked that I even remembered the event, due to the simple fact that I was probably only one or two at the time. When even later she showed me pictures of the visit I was shocked to see that my minds eye had captured the images so vividly. As if in that instant as a little boy I had flashed forward in time to the moment of holding the pictures in my hand, took the whole scene in and then went back to being a little boy again. I guess you would call it déjà vu, or maybe just say that my mind was playing tricks on me, but I for one think it was a real experience.
I once read somewhere that the average person only uses less than three percent of their brain, which when you look at the average intelligence of some of the folks running around it's seems very plausible. But anyway Einstein supposedly accessed ten percent of his gray matter and the things he developed are mind-boggling. So it makes you think, what if… you could utilize more of your brain, what things could you do? Would you be able to talk without uttering a word? Maybe you could solve some off the great mysteries of our time. Or maybe you would sit back look at the whole picture we call life and the whole thing would just come to a crawl and all of a sudden....
High school is probably the most important time in your life. It was around this time that school became boring to me. For a while your interest holds but then you start to notice the eccentric habits of your teachers and the constant grind of the High School cliques. It never fails with teachers, there's always something about them that falls into the eccentric intellectual category if they didn't have it in there character they would never be able to follow a course of study so zealously. All teachers behave weird, some run on and on at the mouth because they believe that just maybe if they talk long enough you'll grasp maybe a smidgen of their Knowledge. Some tell jokes that aren't really jokes but more like satire, something most high school kids don't want to hear or really understand but hey, if it will get you an A you'll suck it up and try to remember to laugh at the right time. Some teachers have the nastiest outlook on society and try to secretly cram the doctrine of their own political dogma into your brain unbeknownst to faculty, and parents. And some teachers simply walk around with their butt so tight you actually hear it squeak when they walk. For them following the rules are so important that they sometimes forget that establishing a bond with students is supposed to be one of the most important aspects of their job. Whatever the symptom you learn (at least you hope) early enough how to manipulate your teachers to gain the required c to pass on to the next grade.
During my sophomore and junior years I developed this technique into an art form. And suddenly my whole world changed, I needed to experience things that my teachers had no knowledge of. There was a whole world out their waiting for me to catch up. My senior year I finally decide to bed as many girls as would have me. The preoccupation with sex that my hormones produced in my sophomore and junior years now had focus. One thing that never seemed to amaze me is how girls would allow boys, (not men) to use them and all because to me a women or girl chooses to base their self worth on the man in their life. Which I believe is utterly ridiculous considering the type of man, most women often choose. The type of guy who is considerate, caring, and understanding is often overlooked for the loudmouthed, overbearing jackass. Why women do this who knows? I have a few theories but the battle of the sexes is not one of my specialties.
Anyway women are looked at differently then men. A man who is sexually promiscuous is considered with high regard even though he is probably scared of commitment and sampling many varieties of women to figure out where and what he wants in life. Whereas, a woman who sleeps with many partners is called a slut, whore or any number of names. Is this fair, well if you looked at it from what I call the “Mr. Spock “method where only the facts are relevant? Then you would say to your self that modern society is hypocritical in nature. A true statement no matter what way you look at it. But according to our current standards of society women are supposed to subvert there will and condone being looked at as second-class citizens. This is highly strange because if two supposedly adult human beings procreate then a process that requires two all of the sudden falls to the mother to automatically be responsible for the child. Why aren't both parents looked at for their own individual merits? Because this is a male dominated society. Men make public policy and all major decisions.
Why am I mentioning this well for one, a perceived impression of power is a powerful thing. With a certain following, certain arrogance and an ability to manipulate people you find that all of a sudden things in your life go much more smoothly. If a little flattery and attentiveness gets you out of a D and into a C with a teacher then you can just imagine what happens with young girls whose hormones (although their loathe to admit it) rage just as bad as the average male teen. If there was somewhere to go, someone to see, or something to do girls became the immediate answer for me. One thing you notice when a girl is willing to do things for you is if you control it properly then you have one of the most powerful weapons ever created. To manipulate another man through a woman is indeed a tricky thing but pulling it off is one of the most powerful tools around. Becoming a friend of a woman as well as a lover in order to manipulate and control others is not difficult the main ingredient is finding a young naive woman, an older naive woman. Or a woman who is in to drugs. It's possible to fool intelligent women but this takes to much time and commitment.
My senior year became my coming out year. I slowly came into my own and as I rose so did the people around me. Oddly like those National Geographic specials we roamed in packs like a group of wild dogs. Being one of the highest-ranking males had its privileges, as if everything you did was somehow condoned and sanctioned by a higher power. The learning I did during these years was instrumental to my education. When I eventually graduated I had one goal to make it to the top as soon as possible no matter who got in the way or what the consequence. This was the day I really became the most dangerous type of person imaginable. Not a serial killer or a hard-core criminal but someone who had a generation X outlook, a new age point of view. This is the story of those years, were I almost fell into a trap; years were I just barely survived. Years were my real education started.
Chapter One
Kevin woke with a start, the phone was ringing off the hook and he had mastered the art of waking to the ring of the phone between the hours of 10 p.m. and 6 a.m. And for good reason, if his mom ever was to wake too that racket he would never hear the end of it. He jumped to his feet and nearly fell over from the rush of pain to his temples, man he hoped last night was worth it because from what he could remember it wasn’t worth the pain in his temple. The phone was buried under last nights clothes on the nightstand and although muffled he was positive was ringing full blast in his mom’s room.
“Hello” he breathed heavily in to the phone at the same time trying to get some taste in his mouth. He could tell he had drank allot to have cottonmouth this bad.
“Hi, Kevin you there?” came the response.
Kevin recognized the voice immediately it was Casey. A junior at his high school he had met at a party 2 weeks prior. They were standing next to the keg filling up and he laughed at the fact that she had been back to the tap nearly as often as him. Kevin teased her that she “must be crazy to think she could drink with the big boys” and it progressed into a small drinking contest that lasted till 2 in the morning and topped off with a trip to Denny’s. When Kevin proposed to ditch the tab Casey didn’t even blink but responded “okay” and that was that, they had been together ever since.
“Yeah Casey, what’s up? How many times have I told you not to call my house after 10 p.m. or before 6 a.m.? You know my mom will kill me. Besides you know my pager number”
“Yeah but I was just wondering if you still wanted me to pick you up? You were pretty hammered last night” she paused.
“And I told you that you would regret those last 4 shots of tequila” she laughed.
4 shots of tequila, boy he must have really had one to many he could not for the life of him remember any of that. Kevin often wondered how he was so lucky to make it home on nights like this. Coming home and throwing up was almost better then blacking out. At least when he was throwing up he knew where he was and what he was doing. Blackouts were really bad, often he would have scrapes and scratches or have to hear from mom in the morning about how he rumbled in loud enough to wake the dead.
“Yeah well I’m alright Casey pick me up at 7:50’ he sighed, that would give him about 2 and half hours to sober up some more and clear his head.
“Kevin” she whispered almost so low he could not hear.
“Yeah Case?” he shot back wanting to end the conversation the pounding in his head was killing him and he could feel what ever it was he drank last night with the 4 shots of tequila creeping up in his throat.
“Well, Uh” she stuttered. “Well I was wondering if you thought maybe there was a chance I could get pregnant?”
Kevin puked right into the shirt he wore the night before. It took a moment to take it all in and recuperate but he still could not believe what he had just heard. He was never really attracted to Casey, not that she wasn’t pretty enough but she was more of a homie then a lover. More often then not Kevin borrowed the new 1996 Acura Integra Casey’s parents bought her to go and pick up his own dates. It looked good in circles and people would scream “He’s hitting it and she lets him borrow the car to pick up other women, now that’s a real player!” Now he was about to be out like shout. Picking up other women in “your babies’ mamma car” didn’t happen that often. More then likely he would be carting around her and baby Kevin all over town.
“Hold on a minute your tripping, what you mean, do I think you’re pregnant?” Kevin bluffed he knew damn well what she meant.
“Well after last night Kevin, you know it’s a possibility!”
“Listen Casey, you yourself said I was hammered right?”
“Well, yeah” she responded
“Well look I was also puffing on some chronic, and when you mix the two it kills your sperm, instantly!” he added for good measure. “So there’s no way you could be pregnant!” Or so he hoped.
“Listen I got to go, don’t worry about it I will talk to you later” and before she could respond he hung up.
Man what a mess. How could he let this happen? He really did it now. Pray to god that Casey wasn’t pregnant. If he felt bad before now he really felt like shit. Kevin stumbled from his room and headed for the stairs. Creeping down the edge of the stairs careful not to step in the middle and make the wood creak. Was almost laughable that he would try to be quiet his mom was a pretty light sleeper and wouldn’t wake to anything but the damn phone. Once at the bottom of the steps he headed for the refrigerator and of course stuck in the vegetable crisper under the bag of packaged salad were two chilled corona’s He probably placed them there before he stumbled upstairs although he could not remember. Kevin popped the cap on the first and took a long gulp. The beer flew down his throat and tasted good in his mouth, until the chill hit someplace in his stomach and sent a surge charging into his head and near bursting his temples. Kevin bent over in pain but took solace in that it would soon pass and the beer would take the edge off.
Kevin opened the rear patio door and slid out into the warm California morning. Although it was only 6am the temperature was nearing sixty degrees. Kevin quickly swallowed the rest and peered over the wall into the patio of his next door neighbor Wil. Wil was up on the patio hitting a joint from the smell he could tell it was some stress. Or dirt more like it, kind of shit that didn’t really get you that high but gave you one hell of a headache when it wore off.
Wil had just finished coughing up half a lung and looked up to see Kevin watching his every move.
“Wassup Kevin” he hacked and nearly puked
“Not shit Wil” Suddenly he felt much better, ideal not to let the customer see you in worse shape then they were.
“Yo, Kev!” He hated when Wil called him Kev only his closet friends go that privilege.
“You got any bags, I mean this shit I got is good but expensive and I don’t have time to get to my connect”
If his head hadn’t been hurting so bad he would have fell over in laughter but instead Kevin let out a slight laugh, really who was this asshole trying to kid. His weed was dirt, he knew it, Wil knew it and everyone who every tasted it new it. Kevin thought for a minute and decided to let him suffer, besides it was about time he stopped showing this fool love. Making him think he had the upper hand when all he amounted to was a 32 year old single lawyer who’s best years had passed him by and when looked at where nothing to write home about.